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An Apology to Mothers

Verlanda Bruney

Dear Mothers

As I consider what to write for Mother’s Day, I cannot help but feel a bit conflicted – there is something that we need to address.

Verlanda Bruney

We all know that being a mother entails more than just our wombs and nine months of pregnancy; it involves our hearts, countless sacrifices, love, forbearance, etc…

I mentioned in the previous blog post that my life’s purpose is being a mother.  To me, motherhood is an office and a mantle in which we are entrusted and graced with the responsibility of bringing about effective and powerful change into the world by nurturing and pouring love into the hearts of our child(ren). This is a great responsibility!

When faced with this definition, it humbles all of us, including myself.  But we can’t deny that for some, Mother’s Day is a day of sad memories, pain, and heartbreak, and it’s very sad but true to say that some of us mothers have done a poor job. I am not here to bash anyone; rather I’m here to bring truth, shed some light, and induce healing to our hearts. For this reason, as you read these words, open your hearts, and allow them to penetrate and heal your hearts and souls.

I speak to the child in any mother who has been motherless, wounded, neglected, or ill-treated by your mother whether alive or dead. Please receive this apology from me, a mother, on behalf of your mother. By this grace and mantle of motherhood given to me by the Lord God, I stand in the gap, representing the mother you lacked, or was wronged by and I apologize to you.


I’m sorry that I was so selfish
I’m sorry that I did not mother you well
I’m sorry that I made you feel inferior and even unwanted
I’m sorry that I made you feel unloved
I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you that I love you
I will say it right now

I’m sorry that I ignored your pain
I’m sorry that I ostracized you and did not care for your heart
I’m sorry that I messed up your childhood
I’m sorry that I did not validate you and it led you to seek attention elsewhere
I’m sorry that I did not value you
I’m sorry that I made you feel that you weren’t enough 

I’m sorry I made you feel alone
I’m sorry I made you feel that you were hard to love
Like you were asking for a lot – no you weren’t
The truth is I don’t know love because I never received it
And could not give to you what I did not have or know
That is neither an excuse nor a justification for my actions
My condemnation, criticism, and disregard for you were not ok

I’m sorry that I condemned you
I’m sorry that I fought against you and not for you
I’m sorry that I took my anger, pain, and frustrations out on you
That was not my job as a mother
I’m sorry I failed you
I’m sorry that I made your life hard
I’m sorry that I was selfish and thought only of myself and what I wanted
I did not understand that I was building patterns of cycles that would reach generations
I’m sorry that I was not a good example of a mother and now you carry the result of my poor mothering to your own child(ren)
It’s hard enough just figuring out who you are, forgive me for adding to your stress
I’m sorry I gave you such burden to carry, please do better than me
Forgive me for being a source of your pain instead of a source of hope, love, peace, and encouragement

I was so caught up with my own needs and wants
Now I see that you were God’s gift to me

I’m sorry
I’m sorry
I am so, so sorry
MY DAUGHTER, YOU ARE SPECIAL and from the deepest part of my heart, I ask for your forgiveness.

Your ‘stand-in-the-gap’ Mother

Matthew 6:14-15 (NKJV)
14 “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.
15 But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”

Because you have received this apology your heart has begun the process of healing. Receive it as many times as you need and remember to share the kindness and gift of forgiveness with others.

Thank You and Happy Mother’s Day to you.

Written by Verlanda ‘Vee’ Bruney


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